went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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