If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
