I don't usually arrange sex via text message
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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