my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
