He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
50% drunk capacity currently
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
