why didn't you poke me back
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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