oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
