May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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