What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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