Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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