So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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