I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
