His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
A bitchslap is in order.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
