so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
