Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
