guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
