my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
