girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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