did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
