I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
