if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
