They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
