somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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