So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
