I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
