LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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