Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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