Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
