addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
