I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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