It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
