Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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