i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
