I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
