dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
