Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
