i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
