think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
