Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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