he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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