just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I got inside last night via doggy door
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
