We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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