He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize