apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
