Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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