They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
