I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
