i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
