We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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