Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
