I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
