What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
