he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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