I wanna bring you to show and tell
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
