Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
