is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
