David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
