I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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