I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
