Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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