so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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