His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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