Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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