i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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