If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
