that's an acceptable place to lick
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
