he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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