you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
