sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
