i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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