I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
