we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
