you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
