i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
