my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
