OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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