when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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